Blankets

I guess since I have no homework to procrastinate I can't write blog posts.

I mean.. I've been thinking about it.. but nothing has inspired me enough to draw pictures or write.

I really like blankets.  Like... obsessed with blankets.  Giant, fuzzy blankets.  The kind you can get enrobed in and cuddle up and just be.. ahhh comfy.

I would make sweet love with some blankets.

I got a blanket for Christmas.  It almost makes me forget about my wisdom teeth pain, almost (by the way, I did get them removed.. I might write a post AFTER this one about that.. I have some funny texts I can put on the internet to completely embarrass myself with...).

It is giant, teal, fuzzy, warm, oh my gosh I can't even use all the adjectives in the world to describe my feeling I have for my new blanket.

It is like frolicking through a field of flowers in warm emu boots wrapped in a shawl of lamb fur/wool with candy.

THAT GOOD.


I'm surprised I don't shower with blankets.. I am always in a blanket. If I could I would totally bring it with me to work and to class. I am going to bring this blanket everywhere I go.  It is totally a security blanket.  Not gonna lie.  It is.

If something happened to it I might cry.

I would cry.

I would hold a funeral.

I hope this blanket never dies, I love it soo much.

It is my temporary boyfriend.

I'm happy with it..it loves me more than any man would.

Okay, this was dumb... the next post will be better..without me being pissed off at my mouth for hurting.  Ouch.

Until next time!?..!?...?

Finals and Bdubs

I actually wrote this post last Wednesday (December 8th) but I haven't had time to post it until now..when I actually should be studying Econ.. but I figured, well you guys needed something to read before buckling down and getting your soul eaten by final exams.

This whole “college thing” is eating my life.  I’ve been studying all the time for what seems like an eternity, but really that means since this past Sunday.   I’ll be done next weds, however. I am so excited. 

Mainly because I am extremely tired and all that I want to do right now is draw pretty pictures…

and eat bacon cheeseburgers.

But as for tonight I have to study my butt off, but before that...I’m going to Bdubs.

Buffalo Wild Wings for those of you who are not remotely cool enough to understand short abbrevs from words (that means abbreviations). Is the best restaurant ever.  Is it overrated?  Yes, but I am in love with the Mango Habanero hot sauce on their boneless chicken wings.  It is like a sweet but uber spicy to the point of pain (and numbing lips) type of sauce that completely arouses the senses.  I get excited just thinking about eating them.  I would marry that sauce, I wouldn’t be able to kiss it, but it’d be tasty sweet wedlock.

My friend, Anna, has not been to a Bdubs. EVER. After hearing this distressing news I decided to write a contract in order to prove that we must go.  Our friend, Ashley, is coming too, because we are all pretty awesome and do not want to lose awesomeness by not going (as said by the contract).  Ashley and I have taken it as our duty to induct Anna (or take away her Bdubs virginity; either or) into the awesome world which is Buffalo Wild Wings.

Ashley and I have prepared for this very night by purchasing a specific silly bandz collection, two actually.  I, in all seriousness, loathe silly bandz.  I just cannot stand them, but, these silly bandz are the best I’ve ever seen and therefore I must purchase them and wear them with my friends.

The silly bandz that were purchased were sex position collection and penis collection.  Yup, I am highly immature and think they are the greatest thing on Earth.  Yup, penises are hilarious.  Sex positions are hilarious too.  I now am lucky enough to obtain 6 penis related silly bandz and 6 sex position silly bandz on my wrist as I type.  Basically… you should be jealous.

The plan is:  we go study, go to Bdubs, and then wear our new naughty silly bandz proudly and giggle secretly by feeling bad ass and like a rebel.

All the while eating Mango Habanero boneless wings.

Why can’t everyday be like today?

Snow

Yesterday night, on the first of December, was the first snowfall of the season (that actually stayed present) where I live.

What I mean by "stayed present" you ask?

 I live in Michigan.

The weather never knows what it actually wants to stay as here.  One day it'll be 30 degrees, the next 62.  Michigan is a PMSing woman...minus the joys of chocolate.

Anyways, the point is, when snow "sticks" (aka doesn't melt) that means that that snow is the first snowfall of the season.  If the first snowfall was when there was actual snow snowing outside.. it could be in October and not stick..and that just does not make any sense, if it was "of the season" it would stick to prove it was legit snow, not false non-sticking snow.

That is a lot about the ways of snow.. sorry.

Anyways, it was exciting, yet horrible.

Why both?  Exciting because it means we will, more than likely, have a white Christmas.  To me, it is not Christmas without the bountiful white snow on the ground.  Also, snow means snowball fights and sledding.  Sledding is the shit.  I cannot describe my intense passion for sledding.  Its like swallowing a whole popsicle.  It is super cold, yet exhilarating in a way that excites you and warms you up from the very thought of doing it.  It is almost like a naughty, but legal drug.

It is horrible because I ride my bike to campus..which is a 15 or 25 minute bike ride (depending on the day, of course).  On this day (when it was all windy and snowy in the morning) I had to ride the 25 minutes to my first class... at 8:30 in the morning.  Uber windy, giant snow flakes flying into my eyes and blinding me, and the heaviest back pack on earth made the trek utterly horrible.

Today, however, the snow is quite enjoyable.  I am inside my warm apartment looking out my balcony window and eating soup.

I need to invest in a ski mask on my treks to class, so I don't get wind burn.  Maybe snow pants.

I almost forgot to mention, it is incredibly fun (and probably very stupid) to go in a hot tub outside..and then run around in the snow and then jump back into the hot tub.  Weirdest (but very enjoyable) sensation ever.  You all should probably try it.

Peer pressure, do it.

10 Reasons Why I Want A Bacon Bikini

Over break there was a show on some channel on the tv (I'm descriptive..) that was entitled "Bacon Paradise". It told of the many joys of bacon and all the best places that cook it and such.

There is one restaurant that has a variety of hamburgers/cheeseburgers with immense amounts of bacon.  And bacon in brownies and bacon in a milk shake.  Apparently chocolate and bacon are the best combination in the world.

Ever since I watched that show I've been compulsively obsessed with bacon.  Instead of going black Friday shopping I probably ate 5 pieces of it for breakfast... I know that does not seem like a copious amount of bacon..but considering what bacon is made of?.. Ohh yeah, it is a lot.

During a random introduction of the show they showed all the different ways bacon is being used/eaten (to basically explain the purpose of the show.. with the name "Bacon Paradise" I feel like it would be hard to misconstrue...).  They showed a bacon bikini.  I want a bacon bikini.

I have come up with 10 reasons why I need a bacon bikini.

1. It's bacon.
2. If you ever get stranded because you took a tour with Gilligan and the Skipper.. you can use it for nourishment until you get rescued by people who know how to use a boat.
3. Lure men.  It's proven by Taco Bell commercials that the near smell of bacon will have loads of gorgeous, hunky men at your beck and call.

4. All the oil/grease from the bacon can cover your body to help you tan.
5. It's a modern fashion statement.
6. It is relatively cheaper than normal bikini's.
7. Eco-friendly.
8. Resistant to water.
9. If you get attacked by the shark, you can just throw your bikini at it and get away safely.  The shark will be distracted by the bacon and not eat you.
10. It's bacon...IN BIKINI FORM.

That's right, "it's bacon" is listed twice.  Want to know why?  Being bacon is double-ee important in the matter.  Nothing can describe why bacon is as awesome as it is.  It is just because it is bacon.  The very essence of bacon is indescribably intoxicating and rewarding.  Thus, it has to be listed twice.

Bacon bikini.. it IS the future.

Oops.

So this whole "Thanksgiving Break" thing has taken a toll on my normal ways of life..

I.E. me "doing" homework and going to bed at reasonable hours most of the week.

Also, less pie is consumed.

I promise I will post some seriously awesome (or at least remotely interesting) posts this week. It might not be until Thursday/Friday, but still, I shall post.

They may be mediocre..but many.

I have ideas.

Many, many ideas.

I just need my computer to save pictures.

Or else I do this type of formatting with random spaces after sentences so that if I switch topics I don't feel bad that I did.

I think I'm going to bed (example A).

One last and final tidbit about my break.

I made a nerf gun.  That's right, MADE. As in put together on my own and now I can shoot harmless (or HARMFUL) nerf darts at any one that "gives me the eye" in any weird way.  MWAHAHAHAHAH.

You shall be vanquished my foes!

....that was the stupidest post ever.... Oh well, PUBLISHHH :)

Coffee, My Adderall.

This week I have rediscovered the magic of coffee.

I forgot how focused I am when I drink a cup of coffee.  Strong coffee.  The kind that is bitter and makes your tongue tingle because it's so strong your tongue doesn't understand the flavor and therefore erupts from too much caffeinated water even remotely touching it.

When I make coffee... my brain awakens from the very thought of the coffee soon entering my body in order to corrupt the way my brain behaves.  The very thought of plugging the coffee pot in (because the Roommate and I are trying to be economical and "green") has conditioned my mouth to water with the imagination of a sweet, sweet, aroma of hazelnut and caramel.

How is "coffee related to me on adderall"; you ask?

Well, let us pretend I am staying up until 3am trying to studying for my devil class (which is really just the worst sociology class on the entirety of this Earth).  The reading material?  Some article about how African Americans started sociology because of some scientific research and something about Darwin.  I have to read all 60 pages by the next day because I procrastinate heavily in this class.  I also have to be able to pull apart random ideas and be able to explain them in class because my professor doesn't have a lesson plan.. ANYWAYS.

I am up super late, with super boring reading, and considering how I want to go to bed everyday at 6pm; this proves to be a super challenge to comprehend anything that is presented in front of me.  Even basic social interactions, such as understanding the Roommate has to learn a billion-and-fifty drugs because she is going to be a nurse or whatever, proves to be a task equivalent to climbing Mt. Everest.  In instances of the Roommate learning, I have massive giggle fits and run back and forth from the futon to her bedroom and jump on top of her on her bed because I do not know how to occupy myself on study breaks.  It will also result from loneliness.

Basically, anything that seems remotely more interesting than my reading will get paid attention to.  Reading a random tangent about kitties sleep walking? 5 hours of attention.  Oligopolies?  Reminiscing about playing Monopoly with the Cousins for 30 minutes.  Distractions GALORE.

After the initial arousal from thinking about making the coffee, I attempt to study as follows:
I make coffee.

Brain starts to be alert and realize it needs to function past 6pm.

I get my coffee and start reading.  

I drink coffee.

I read my material.. FOR 2 HOURS STRAIGHT.

Nothing distracts me.  For the whole 2 hours. (Grant it, I do have a crazy fit and run around like a cow with mad cow disease for maybe 10 or 20 minutes... BUT I am getting work done, and in college that is all that really matters in life.)

I remember what I've read and it is 2am!!!!!!

Completion of homework? A success.

Learning? WIN.

Coffee, I owe you one.  I need you in my life.  My brain cannot function properly without your bitter tasting juices enveloping my tongue with tingling sensations.  Coffee, you are my crack, my ecstasy, but most importantly my adderall.

I Drive a Zamboni. I Do Not Run a Daycare.

Sorry for the lack of posts...
I've been trying to study, even though this blog is all for NOT studying, or failing at it.

But.. whatever.

Do you know what I hate? Kids.

Especially at my work.

It's like.. the parents are all like "RUN MY CHILDREN! SPREAD MISERY AND DESTRUCTION AND MESSES!!! BE IN A PLACE THAT IS NOT NEAR ME SO I CAN WATCH MY BETTER CHILD PERFORM AT A SPORT THAT PROMOTES VIOLENCE AND COULD KILL!!!!"

That is my interpretation of how parent's think at ice arenas.

Seriously, it's like they think we run a daycare for their 4-7 year old children who are younger then their hockey players that are out on the ice.

A day care that picks up after their child spills a million and 3 cups of slushie all over the floor, with nacho cheese oozing at every spot imaginable, and broken plastic things everywhere (you know.. those quarter machines with prizes in lil plastic containers? Kids just stomp on them to get them out.. which is, the only way TO get them out.. but when they stomp.. it is like they are having a seizure and smash the crap out of that container.)

Do not get me started with all the kids who drop their stupid pickles on the ground too.  WE PUT THE STUPID PICKLES IN A STUPID PAPER HOLDER THING SO THE PICKLE DOESN'T FALL OUT. LEARN HOW TO FREAKING HOLD ONTO IT YOU LITTLE BUTTER FINGERED CHILD.

Sorry for the anger.  Wait, no, I'm not.  It is ridiculous.  I shouldn't have to babysit when I have other responsibilities to handle.  I have to manage the building, keep it clean, drive the zamboni (you may bow down to me now), sharpen skates, and deal with mean/stupid/bratty hockey parents.

Some of these people should not be allowed to have spawned any children. NONE.

These people cannot pick up after themselves, let alone pick up after their children.  That is why their children have no sense of responsibility when throwing stuff away.

I understand that they are kids and they do not necessarily understand/know that they should throw stuff away..but when they observe/watch my co-workers or myself clean up after them...week after week... it is like... REALLY.

Basically, hockey parents and their children are the devil.
I know there are "exceptions" to the rule, but realistically.. they are.

Fight it all you want, but one day working at my job and you will soon hate the parents..and their evil, messy, rowdy, spawn.